The Brewquet Guide to Drinking Vessels

 

Ever wonder why that eight dollar beer you got at the 33 Acres came in a little wine glass instead of a regular pint glass and you realize you didn’t see the fine print saying that the “33 Acres of Euphoria” only comes in a 12oz glass and you’re super irritated that the bartender didn’t mention it before you paid but then again you also notice that it’s 9.2% abv so maybe 12oz is enough? Well, Darrince is here to save the day with a handy list of what all those weird glasses are called and what types of beer are supposed to go in them. That way if you ever get served a saison in a pilsner glass you can scoff in the minimum wage bartenders face and berate them for using a glass that inhibits aromatics and demand a refund like a real cool guy.


Pint Glass // Ales, Lagers, Stouts, IPA’s and literally any kind beer

You recognize this one. It’s the Black Keys of the beer glass world. They’re everywhere and I guess that's fine because there’s nothing really wrong with them but, I dunno, are we not bored of blues-rock yet?

 

Pilsner Glass // Pilsners, Lagers, Kolschs

A narrow glass allows more light to shine through, allowing the drinker to better appreciate the visual elements of the beer like colour, bubbles and head. However, the narrow shape will put one's nose outside of the glass when drinking which isn’t great for aromatic beers that taste better when also smelled.

 

Tulip Glass // Saisons, Double IPA's, anything with some stank

The opposite of a pilsner glass. The fanned out rim allows the drinker to really stuff their nose in the drink bringing out the aromatic qualities of the beer. Not sure why it’s up on a stem. Maybe it’s so the much wider glass doesn’t get a complex about being fat and also short. It’s ok little beer. Be yourself.

 

Growler // Anything you want aside from the small batch board

Why are you drinking in this stuffy old tasting room anyway? Go drink in a park with some friends. You know what's going on out there? Life. You’re missing out on life man. 

 

Beer Can in a Paper Bag // Cheap an strong ya hear

If you put in a brown bag then when the cops see you drink it they don’t know its beer. It’s pretty simple dummy.

 

And that’s it! Every type of glass. If anyone tells you there’s another kind of glass they’re just being pedantic. What kind of asshole is going to be that particular about the names of glasses? Pretentious jerks.

 

Ok bye

-Darrince


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